The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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