Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
