first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
