i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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