You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
