Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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