Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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