i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
