Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
