You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize