I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
