Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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