we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
