apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
