i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Shame - the story of my life.
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