Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
