My sheets look like a crime scene.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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