there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize