I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
