I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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