Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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