i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
