Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
