GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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