By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize