Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
