Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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