im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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