Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
