There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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