why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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