why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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