So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
