The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
what day is it and did you see me today?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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