Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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