Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
