I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
