I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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