so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
