dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
