quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
