At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
