You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
