still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
