Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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