i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
