i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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