I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
