Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
