i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
