Church boner. Awkwardddd
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
