In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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