You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
