I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize