is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
