just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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