Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
