my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I want her autograph on my taint
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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