I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize