Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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