his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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