I want to have your abortion
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
