i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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