even my farts smell like vagina
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
