if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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