I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
