i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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