if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I cockslap morals
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize