Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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