im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
