So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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