Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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