She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she peed on how many people?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize