i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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