Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
