He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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