i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Four minutes until I can fart!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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